Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
