I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
