ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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