note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
