When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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