dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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