this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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