dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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