Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
