I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
