Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
