Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
