your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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