How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
