I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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