i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
