Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
