my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
