Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
