I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
