i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Of course I have a pirate flag
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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