Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
