This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
