dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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