It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
