I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
