Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
