I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
