I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
