I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
