Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Mom said you looked used
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
