ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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