My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wear drunk well.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
