I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
