Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Drunk is a universal language darling
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
