haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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