woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
