I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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