I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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