Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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