haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
