4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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