i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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