so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
