Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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