This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How does it feel to date your dad?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
