New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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