guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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