apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
