I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
