I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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