Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
