You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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