The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
