I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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