oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
