is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
