you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
