i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
