Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
