so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
