i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
