Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
