fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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