i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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