He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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