Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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