My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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