I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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