just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
