i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
