Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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