I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize