my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
smell my finger.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
