I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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