So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
